Ok..
So i went to this place called San Jose, its a pueblo on the peak of
some mountains, the clouds touch the town and its like a point where
the sky meets the earth, its about 3000 metres above sea level and the
pueblo is all based around shrooms.
To take them you rent your personal cabin on the edge of the mountain, by
yourself, basically looking into infinity.. you talk to a shaman for a
while before taking them, he tells you how to go and then leave.I dont know what happenned, i took the shrooms at 6, within an hour i
started feeling like id taken some ecstasy, but then that passed, and
everything started breathing and moving, and it was like.. you know
the windows media screensaver thing where everything turns into little
symmetrical squares that fluctuate? It was like that.. and then the
clouds started to get rainbows around them, and i started laughing,
because i couldnt believe how cliched my hallucinations were, but
then, the clouds turned into the face of GOD, and they said “hello”
and then they explained to me that they were the schrooms talking to
me, and i could talk back to them, and that the town is run by the
schrooms, that they decide who comes and goes and who takes them and
that id been invited. So i start laughing, out of JOY! and im
like, “are you god?” and theyre like “No, we are the mushrooms,
but we are part of god and we represent him” and im like ok.. but then i look
down at this bit of wood and there’s GOD TOO! and then qutzalcoatl appears and starts dancing,
then all these crazy gods, like brahman, and siddharta, and jesus, and Kali, and
basically every god from every culture just appear and
they start dancing, and the thing turns into this whole musical, but
its the music of life.. and then i see all this sacred geometry
everywhere! and by this point im talking to god hardcore but not even
with words, its just this direct flux of information, and then i
realize that was just an introduction, and im there to learn
something, so i look up to the clouds and say “what” and he says “you
know” and i sit there, and im scared of looking at him head on, but
everytime i look away he appears in front of me, so he starts laughing.
“Why are you laughing at me?!” I yelled,
“Because! I am ALWAYS in fron of you, and you think you can look away,
and I think its funny because you cant, you think you dont deserve to see me,
but you do, its gorgeous” and so i laugh and he says, laugh!
it helps you get over your fear! and im like, ok gimme
some time, i laugh and laugh till i settle down and look up
and man, its hard to look at him in the eye, but he thinks its
cute, and i know it, and that makes me laugh more, and he, is the
mountain, (in fact, by this point i was no longer seeing any visions,
I was staring at a mountaint and I knew for a fact that it was god).
I keep on TRYING to look away, but everywhere I look a new god appears
and so i finally look at him, and its like getting blasted by a solar flare, so i hold the stare,
and smile like a giddy child who cant believe whats going
on, and so we face off for a while, and man, he’s like, compassionate
and all knowing, but also with lots of authority, and i say, ok so im
here because ive got this problem, i dont know what it is, but its
inside me and im carrying it and it makes me feel sad and heavy and
scared and im not comfortable, please help. And then i just sit there
for a while, and i say, dude im cold can we continue this in the cabin
(because i was out in the mountains at the time) and so i get up and i
get LOST! totally lost, and im not just lost in reality but also in my
trip, and all i can see is fractals, and universes and all sorts of
divine shapes, and George bush! (i think i remember being
told that god and bush are the same man, and that they are just there
to prove how ridiculous it all is, and especially that we believe it
and take it so seriously) anyway im SOO lost in the woods, im scared
to walk even one step.. But everytime im about to give up, god says,
just do something, and ill take care of the rest, so i just go for it,
and i follow a light and somehow i end up where i was meant to be! i
walk on up the mountain till i find a guy who says “are you ok do you
need my help” and im like “i need to find my cabin” so he walks me to
it but the walk is like a snails shell, as in its just this perfect
circles getting smaller each time.. till i get to my room, the keyhole being the
final circle and the entry into a new cycle.. and then i
sit down and (ive been lost for like 2 hours here)! and
im sill feeling sick as all hell and then i BURP! and it was so much smog
and pollution, i could feel it, taste it, in fact
my clothes smelt like they’d been inside an exhaust pipe just from
that burp which was massive, and i realized that there it was, id
trusted and found my way home, and thats all i ever wanted, to go
home, but home is always there its just that you need to know and
trust that or you wont realize it. So then i needed to piss, and
all this time im still seeing crazy mathematics, the big bang, the
history of the world, my birth, the people in my bloodline, etc. Im
scared to go out and piss and so i get on my knees and piss into the
bin in the cabin, and the bin is a yin yang! and my piss is the
universe being pissed away into the toilet bowl of life, or a black
hole! And then i say “there it is” and i realize id just burped and
pissed all this shit id been carrying with me for 3 years which i
couldnt get rid of, and then i get told that i was carrying other
peoples shit too and that i was transmuting it because they couldnt,
and that id done a great job! and im soo happy! and im like YES!! I fee
so good, but then after a few minutes the whole thing starts again,
i get lost, but this time im lost in my thoughts, and i dont know why,
and I see symbols everywhere! the pyramid with the eye, the virgin mary, the crucifixion etc.
I get told.. everything is a symbol representing the truth, and you can look at it
however you want, in order for the universe to work, i.e keep moving
and evolve, it needs a motivating and demotivating factor, these are
the unknown and the forgotten, which are the same thing! So we are
looking for something we dont know which we use to know but we’ve
forgotten and that keeps things moving! and it applies to everything.
And jesus is just an archetype, i,e a symbol that represents GIVING
UP! Jesus ultimately GAVE UP! He suffered but he took action,
and he gave up, and like with picking up chicks, its when you give up
that you win. THAT IS SLACK! But first you need to try, but you give
up the outcome because thats up to god, i.e the whole.
PHEW! OK.. so im still there, lost in my thoughts (literally lost.
like you’d get lost in a maze), having this communication, and then i
do the full loop of evolution, from an atom through to a god and back
to me again, all in.. maybe an hour, maybe a millisecond, and then god
reveals to me the answer! And i beg that he lets me remember, and he
says, no, youll only remember your reaction. And what was my reaction
(this i remember clearly).
Laughter.
And then i said “i gotta give it to you man, im impressed, thats a
great answer”.
But i dont remember the answer!!!!!
But i do remember splitting into two, and seeing myself and then
becoming infinite etc. CRAZY. Oh yeah, and then after i got the
answer, god goes, so whats do you need? And im like, well ive already
gotten rid of my shit, but i still need something, and im thinking,
anf everytime i get close these drums start playing and the room
lights up, and everytime im getting away from the answer the room
darkens and the drums stop (this was NOT a hallucination, there was a
group of indians outside playing drums and chanting, and the lights
were being lit by them, but god was showing me how he could run
everything so that the drums went along with what i was thinking,
while the other dudes knew nothing about it, so i tested him, and i
said, im gonna play the drums in the air and they have to match
exactly with the drums outside! and they did! and i laughed, and i
clapped my hands to stop it, end. and EVERYTHING stopped. Then the
drums started playing lightly again, and i said, wow thats a trip, and
he’s like, but what do you need? and im thinking and going crazy, and
i know that by “you” he means humanity, and after a while i get up and
i say “I NEED WATER!” and when i say that it echoes into infinity and
i hear it, and god smiles, and the band outside goes CRAZY! and he’s
like, good answer, but do you really need water? and then i realize
that i dont at all, and then im cold, and im like, im cold, and he
says, are you really? and then im hot, and then i realize, i dont need
water, i only need god, and he will take care of my thirst or get rid
of it or whatever.. At this point i scribble on my notepad this:
” Im trashed..
The issues are:
GOD IS EVERYWHERE
i’d like to add
he’s funny.
Where’s my wallet?? “
And so it all starts up again, from chaos, to infinity to the tao and
the yin and the yang etc etc, and then i remember that im forgetting
something, ive lost something important, what is it? MY wallet!!! oh
shit, what was that, i lost something, ive done this, oh no, what did
i lose?? MY WALLET!! shit where’s my wallet, oh no i lost my wallet in
the woods, im fucked, i have no money to get back etc etc and i hear
“remember” and then i do! and i laugh! and i go, well god’s here, he
knows i lost my wallet, we’ll see what happens, i guess this will mean
an adventure. And i laugh! and i get into my bed and curl up, and im
the yin and the yang, or the feetus in the womb, then i become one,
and my thirst is gone, and i feel great, and i trust! And i feel so
happy, and i say out loud “I beat life, the end guy is hard” and laugh
some more, so, then at this point the schrooms WHAM stop working, and
im back in reality, i reach over to my clock on the side of the bed,
and what do i find.. MY WALLET! And i get a flash of the whole
universe, massive as it is, curling up into one point, and that point,
is the centre of the sun on my wallet (a byron bay one with
a pinkish sun, this wallet is important because when I bought it i made a pact with
it to never lose it as i’d lost so many, and i never had). And i smile! I look at the time and its 12:25.
..in the morning, i went to the place id gotten lost, and i
found 5 butterfly wings. I took 4 and threw one into the wind. They
are beautiful.
also.. water is a metaphor for god, here in the real world. Me
saying “i need water” was me saying “i need god“, because god IS
water! but water is a physical part of god whereas god is the big
tamale. But water is the closest physical metaphor we have of god in
relation to us.
PART TWO
“Its not real if it doesnt make you laugh, but you dont understand it until it makes you cry”.
OK.. Let me re-cap you on some events :
I was lost in Huatulco.
I took Shrooms in San Jose.
The Universe, turned into my wallet, which I had lost and I only found
it when I gave up looking for it.
I could control the drums that the others were playing with my mind.
Water was the symbol for life and god.
God and I had a chat. –
When i first took the schrooms i met a guy from texas and a girl from
new york, they were travelling together and passiong san jose, id only
just taken the schrooms and they hadnt fucked me yet. While i was
waiting for them to hit me, i sat by the mountain and met these dudes,
we started talking, they said they were going to the beach, i said i
might go too, and then i asked if they had some weed. The texas guy
said he didnt but he’d get some for me. They left me there by the
mountain, and when they got back i was tripping hardcore and looking
into the mountain and talking to it and shit, and i was like,
overwhelmed and laughing and crying, but i had to pretend to be half
straight when they got back. I thought they’d stick around, but the
dude just gave me two fat joints, a lighter, and dissappeared. I
started smoking the joint and i asked god, hey is this wrong? for me
to smoke a j here while we’re talking, and the answer was that no,
nothing is wrong, and the j wouldnt do shit anyway, it was just there
to ground me and give me something to do so i wouldnt get too crazy.
Ok, but i only smoked one of the two joints.
Then everything that i already told you happenned. Moving onto the
next day in San Jose..
Id made plans to catch a bus to the beach with the texas dude and new
york girl, they said we’d see each other on the street, its a small
town so i didnt doubt it. But I waited for 2 hours and they didnt show
up, so i got the shits, and still had in my head that i’d talked to
god and everything would be sweet. So i almost got the shits cuz they
left me, but instead i just got up and walked.
Walking is stupid, the next town is like 15 hours walking away, but I
started to walk anyway. So this car passes and stops next to me, and
its got 3 dudes in it, and they ask if ive got some weed, and i say, i
only have a joint, you’ll have to smoke it with me, and they say,
where are you going, and im like, the coas, so they say, get in we’ll
give you a ride! And im like phew, lucky, and i saved 70 pesos. (there
is no luck as such, but to be on the right trip allows good things to
come your way, or so i figure)
So we start talking and the driver was just giving them a ride too,
they’d passed by San Jose, the other two, Joaquin and Melissa, were artisans,
they make jewelry and sell it during holliday season at the beach.
I tell em that i was stuck in San Jose but just started walking, and the guy says,
yeah that happens to me, when i get stuck, if i sit there and wait, nothing happens,
but as soon as i start walking, shit works out.
So they were going to Huatulco, they said it was better than Puerto
Angel, where I was headed, so I decided to join them to Huatulco. In
the night we set up stalls, i helped sell some bracelets, and played
the drums. They had 10 pesos when we got there but within two hours
theyd made like 300. They shouted me a burger, which i really needed.
We slept on some hammocks that night for free, the owner of the
hammock place let us because it was his last day in business, which
sucked because it left us with nowhere to sleep after that night, but
i had to keep moving anyway, so the next day, i left that crew, and
went to the internet cafe, wrote an e-mail, then went into town to
figure out where I was and where to go.
I ended up walking to a bay, called La Crusezita, a really pretty and
warm bay. The beaches are awesome, they shit on Australian beaches,
they’re warm, really warm, and blue, and the waves come up to you like
a friendly dog, lapping at your feet, not like the evil, cold, asshole
waves in Australia.
From the bay, I decided to go to Zipolite, a nudist beach about 3
hours away, where I heard I could get a cheap hammock to sleep on. So
I went to the bus terminal, I had to catch a bus and two wagons. The
wagons are like utes, and you sit on the back with the wind rushing
past you and shit, its awesome, you feel like youre on african safari,
and theyre cheap man! They take you really far really cheap. Ok so im
on the wagon on my way to Zipolite, and then it suddenly stops, I was
the only one on. The driver says, you have to get out, there’s another
wagon coming for you. And im like, ok….
So the next wagon comes and i get on it, and there’s two dudes
finishing off a spliff. I say, shit, im too late, and they’re like, no
man, we’ll make some more. So we smoke and talk and it turns out they
work in a skate shop, they play in a band (Digna Altanera), they
smoke, they’re going to Zipolite AND they come from San Jose, which
was the reason for their journey in the first place.
We got to the beach, got a room, hung out, smoked some weed etc. I had
bought some mushrooms in a jar full of honey to take for me and for
Lobo, a mexican writer that im living with, and the two dudes, Torta
and Flavian, also had some shrooms, so we decided to drop some.
The schrooms were sour, but covered in Honey.
We walked to the beach, all in our own world, looking at the water and
the shells and shite, and blah blah blah. We went to a restaurant at
the very end of the beach (its a LONG beach) and we got some beers. I
got my wallet out to pay, then my feet got really really itchy. I had
to get up and run to the water and soak my feet to make it stop. Then
I went to a shop in town to get some munchies, and when I got to the
shop I couldnt pay because id left my wallet at the restaurant, Id
lost my wallet! And then the schrooms hit me.
This is my brain..
“Oh my god. I just lost the universe (my wallet), because i wasnt
focused, or paying attention, i was so lost in my own thoughts that I
lost my wallet, shit shit shit, pablo, you knew this would happen, you
got the warnings, FUCK! my wallet! and these damn schrooms, shit, i
better go back to look for it!
I walk back to the restaurant by the beach, im hearing echoes and
spirit voices and everything is mocking me, for losing my wallet, the
universe, by being absent minded.
I get to the restaurant, i ask the table guy that serves stuff to your
tables.. the waiter! If he’d seen it and he said no. I was fucked out
, i walked off and finally, in a fit of frustration, i sat down,
pissed off, and just gave up, and had a big sigh and wallowed in mi
misery.
This dude comes up and sits next to me, there’s no one else in the
whole beach and its dark. He’s about twentysomething, and he says “hi,
are you ok?” and im like “no, i lost my wallet” and he’s like “dont
worry, it will be ok huh?” and im like “yeah, i SUPPOSE”, and then
he’s like “you were in San Jose” and im like “yeah how do u know” and
he’s like “I saw you”, “oh, i didnt see you”, he says “did you hear
the drums?” and my head fucking EXPLODES! remember, the drums are a
symbol, I could control them that night, they were representing how
much god can really pull strings to make shit work out for you. (what
he was saying by asking “do you remember the drums” was, “do you
remember that you can control reality with the help of god and he’s
always with you?”.
So im like “Whoa, yeah” but i go back to worrying about my wallet. And then
im like “so whats your name?” and he says “Jesus “.
JUST LIKE THAT! calm as, like it doesnt mean anything, but im
thinking in my head “of course your name is Jesus”. And so we try and
talk, but i just cant string a sentence together, im not there, im too
worried about my wallet. So i say, “look Jesus, id love to do this but
im not ready, and im too worried about my wallet i need to go look for
it in my room” and he says “yeah, go for it, good luck” but with that
“I know something you dont” tone.
So i walk off, and to my hammock-room, which is on the other side of
the beach, and the more I walk, the more i realize that dude really
was Jesus, not JESUS JESUS, but a representative, a symbol, archetype,
whatever.
Then I walk through a long strip without hotels and its dark man! im
hearing echoes, im feeling sick with worry, the waves are talking to
me and calling me closer, and im like, fuck, im lost. I cant remember
where my hotel is, I cant see shit, fuck fuck fuck. And then i think,
“i shouldve stayed with jesus”, and then i hear “without jesus im
lost”. and then i think, fuck that, (this is all too chrisitian for me thats fucked),
but i walk on, im still all worried about my wallet, the universe.
I finally get to my hotel, I go up and the door is locked so I have to
go around through another room to get to the verandah and lie in my
hammock till the two dudes get back and open the room. I Lay in my
hammock, and wrap myself up in a cocoon. I feel so alone, like im in
space, or in the universe, by myself, and my only comfort is my
hammock cocoon. I start fuming, i get so angry at myself, for losing
my wallet, how could i have been so stupid. The Japanese surfer next
door, in a very comical fashion, like an old friend thats trying to
cheer you up, sticks his head out and offers me some joint, he’s
Japanese so he’s really cute, and im like, no, i cant right now.
I lay there and think, and realize what’s just happenned.
The whole thing was a test, I lost my wallet, the universe because I
was too caught up in myself. Then when i went back for it, it was
gone. When I gave up to the frustration, Jesus showed up to help me.
But I was so caught up in myself, that I couldnt talk to him, and I
lost him too, and when I lost him, I walked alone and lost myself in
the darkness.
I started fuming, I was literally burning up inside and out, my breath
was hot man, i felt like a dragon. I couldnt believe how stupid I was,
to make the same mistake twice, with my wallet and withJesus, and to
walk off and just be so blatantly HUMAN! Instead of relaxing and
chatting withJesus and letting it all work itself out, like I had
learnt it would, the previous night in San Jose. and I started
crying..
I cried because Id failed, and I didnt know when a test like that
would come up again, and that I could have fixed the problem by
letting go of it and talking to Jesus, or the Japanese guy, who now
also represented jesus (Because Jesus is any old schmoe!!), but
couldnt because I just would NOT LET GO OF MY FEARS.
So then a tear goes down my cheek, and God says. “And there’s yuor answer!”
AND I GET IT!! THAT THE HUMAN CONDITION IS TO FAIL! WE ARE SO CAUGHT
UP IN OUR SHIT THAT WE CANT SEE JESUS/GOD/BOB WHATEVER, WHEN IT COMES
TO HELP US, AND WE GO ON WITH OUR PROBLEMS, BUT HE (GOD/JESUS) ALREADY
EXPECTS THAT! KNOWS THAT! AND HE HAS SET IT UP SO THAT WE REALIZE THAT
WITHOUT HIM WE CANT DO SHIT. BUT WE NEED TO MEAN IT.. AND CRY.
BECAUSE ITS ONLY REAL IF IT MAKES YOU LAUGH, BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND
IT TILL IT MAKES YOU CRY.
I cried, and I understood.
It was all worth it, losing my wallet was a small price to pay, and
the universe cant get lost, because i dont have it, god has it, and
he’ll take care of it as always.
So i started laughing.
And as soon as I started laughing, the dudes got home, and opened the
door for me, of course my wallet wasnt in the room.
But I felt good, because I knew, Jesus would be waiting for me, and he
wouldnt be mad, he wouldnt be anything, he’d just be there.
I felt much better, I said i’d go back to the restaurant to have another look.
All the way back, the darkness made me laugh, the waves were cheering
me on, the spirits were no longer talking, they just stood back and
beheld my stylish happy walk through the beach.
There, on the beach, sitting ever so casually, looking into infinity,
is Jesus, like i knew he’d be.
I realize that im very thirsty, and I think, I bet Jesus has water
(WATER – SYMBOLISM), and of course, next to him a bottle of water.
I look at him all sheepish like, and say smiling, “hey i lost my
wallet!” and he’s like, “you did man”.
And im like, i think im going to look here on the beach. He says, sure.
Of course i knew i wouldnt find it, but it was a nervous moment, its
not every day you got Jesus sitting there waiting for you to talk to
him.
I went to the restaurant and asked once more, and then waiter, the
suss cunt, says, no i havent found it, all guilty like, I KNOW he
stole it. But i just smile at him, like he’s done me the biggest
favour in the world, and i sort of laugh and say, ok man, no problem!
I go and sit with Jesus, we dont say much, im really worried about
what to say, and everytime i worry it makes it worse, I dont know how
to relax, and then i hear “look at the light” and straight in front of
us, is a light of a boat or something, so i focus on that and it makes
it allright.
* <– light
_____ <— shore
J – P <– Jebus and Pabs
And then I feel my connection to Jesus, and I realize, he’s just an
average dude, so average its crazy, i mean, average to the point where
we’d think he was dumb even, but he’s GOT IT, he’s with it, he’s got a
pact with god, he don’t need to know nothing deep. everytime i start
talking about weird shit, i start losing him, i realize that when i
talk about weird shit im on my own trip and not really communicating
but finding ways to hear myself through others, which is what we all
do a lot really.
So I talk about weed, and he tells me that he’s bought some to sell to
San Cristobal, and we laugh, and then my head says “reference point!”,
remember? Weed is a good topic we can all reference to and communicate
if only partly. So we laugh, and i realize that of all reference
points, Laughter is the most abundant, and important and easy to
reference to. So Laughter is like a common bond or something? im not
too sure.
We run out of thins to say, and we sit there, on the beach by
ourselves, looking into the light, as if we’re both in awe of it. and
I realize that Jesus is in awe of god, he’s not arrogant, he doesn’t
see himself as god. He sees himself, he knows himself as part of god
and that gives him awe.
Then the cross comes into my head and i get it. The cross is a Symbol
of evolution and Focus.
Let me explain : The Cross is like a Crosshair. I.E Focus.
But the horizontal line, is higher than the middle. I.E Effort,
Evolution, Consciousness.
So the cross is dominant because it speaks to peoples subconscious,
and its a map for life. The map is- Look up, and Focus.
So i try to talk to Jesus some more, but I cant fucking Focus man. Its
like that boxing game where you get knocked out and you need to get
the screens to match. It was EXACTLY like that. And i find that the
only times i can focus, is when I focus, and give up trying to focus.
So i center, and then let it go. but its fucking hard. After a while I
asked Jesus for money, and he gave me 20 pesos.
I talked to Jesus, and he gave me 20 pesos.
I left him there, He said we might see each other down the line, i
shook his hand, said thanks and walked in a giddy happiness back to my
hotel. Where I had a chat with Flavian, one of the skate shop owning,
joint smoking, hotel buddies.
He was so Humble, He didnt try to guess what I was going to say, which
is what I do because ive got this know it all attitude about me, which
isnt bad really, but it annoys me sometimes.
He says, “I think there’s a universal culture, and universal facts,
and that these mushrooms help you see that about yourself, and i think
that you should write about it and tell other people!”
And im like Wow! cuz i was just thinking whether I would write to
someone about this, but he sort of confirmed it.
I went to sleep happy that night.
The whole experience, like the shrooms, was sour, but covered in honey. 
CHAPTER 3.
Next day I got given a hundred pesos by Flavian, so i could catch a
bus back to Oaxaca city where most of my money is. We made a deal to
meet in Oaxaca on Sunday so I could pay him back. The bus trip sucked,
when in Mexico they say a bus trip last 6 hours, they mean 9 hours, if
they say 9 hours, they mean 14. The road was all curvy and hilly and i
felt sick as shit but made it. That night I went to a party. After
meeting a dude called Abel that is, and this bits kinda sad. I was
walking around the Oaxaca hangouts looking for some crew that I knew
to hang with but no one was there, this guy came up to me, he was like
a Raj cross Jene, and he asked if I knew where i could get a joint, i
said no but we could look together. we ended up going to the ‘casa
rasta’ which is the house im staying at, and there we met Lobo and
Pena, we smoked some weed and then we went to a party. Abel was pretty
happy, and he shouted me tacos and red wine.
I got drunk, got home, passed out.
Next Day. Sunday.
Experience number three.
I had schrooms left. Lobos share and some were mine. We took them in
the morning. I asked the schrooms to go easy on me this time. Lobo
went crazy, he was just on another trip. Basically you know that
really warm yummy feeling when you wake up and its sunny and you know
youve slept well? Its like that but much more.
So I get on the couch, curl up in my sleeping bag, and half awake half
dreaming, i start interviewing god.
He says, you can do this anytime, you always were, but you dont notice
because you think your problems are important. So im like, yeah dude,
ok some questions.
BEGINNING OF INTERVIEW WITH GOD
P- Why do children get raped and burnt? why do horrible things happen.
G- Because they can.
Get that?! thats the fucking answer, and its almost too simple, but
what he’s saying, is, if it can happen, it will happen. Think about
that shit. Realize how helpless anyone is, if you can, you will, and
thats it for everything. If nothing horrible happenned then the
universe would not be a natural chaos. It would be ordered and then
there’d be no point, or fun.
P- There was one time when I freaked out and reality got all weird and
shit while I was at home with my friends, what was that about?
(remember I asked you about this in our talk stewart)
G – You were burning up too quickly, you were into your conspiracies
too much, you were glowing and it was too early, we send a dispatch to
take up you energy, A LOT, of your energy, so you would not burn out,
you can pick that energy back up as you go down the line.
Ok.. next question
P- Why have I been depressed and nervous and shit so much?
G- Because you dont love yourself enough, and if you dont love
yourself you cant love anything. Also, because you worry about your
thoughts, you think they can harm you, and that you can control them,
and both those things are impossible, and hence, you’re using up a lot
of energy. Thats why you’re so tired, you think too much.
P- Ok so i shouldnt think.
G- Thinking is what god does.
P- What does that mean?
G- Humans are created in the image of god because they can think,
which allows them to choose their own experience, life is a choose
your own adventure book, as opposed to a normal book. For it to be
choose your own adventure, you need to be able to think. The
difference, the only difference, between the grass and a human, is
that the grass IS and FEELS. The Human, IS, THINKS, and FEELS.
P- Please go on.
G- A blade of grass does not worry about where its going to get water
from next, it allows for all things, and it get the water eventually,
and if it doesnt, too bad. Its part of the whole and can never be
lost. Just like you. But as long as you THINK you’re lost and try to
THINK of a way out, you’ll continue on THINKING you’re lost. Humans
are fun because they can consciously evolve, they can skip ahead or go
backwards, as opposed to the steady evolutionary process of plants,
most animals, and matter. Its more fun that way dont you think?
P- shit yeah
G- But you’re part of the same system as the plants, so the same rules
apply, want it or not there’s still a steady evolution always, but
this is more of a mass human evoltion, than an individual case. The
individual can skip ahead at any time, the mass continues steadily and
gradually. The blade of grass is always looked after by god, because
its a part of god. Like the human.
P- And how do the schrooms work?
G- The schrooms are a concentration of earth energy.
(i cant think of an example at the moment, but u know like some food
where there’s a bit thats concentrated and extra tasty – Pablo)
G- They carry the memory of the earth, and they possess you. Thats why
when you take them everything is so fresh and new, because the
schrroms, the earth, is inside you for that time, seeing life through
human eyes, and of course, its fascinated.
P- Ahhhh
G- And its really obvious, and people should eat some occassionally
for cleansing and grounding, they grow where the sky meets the earth,
there is no coincidence to this, and shamans have always known it.
Divine information is easier to access when you are possessed by the
earth.
P- But i can still think.
G- Exactly, the earth possess you but not completely, you still have a
degree of control and thats your THINKING faculty, which is really
beautiful after all. Thinking allows for greater AWE. The greater the
AWE, the greater the JOY, the greater the SLACk.
P- Hmmm, and why do i forget so easily.
G- This information comes when your brain is in sleep state, its hard
to recollect, we dont want to give the game away do we?
P- But can i remember?
G- If you want.
(I just want to clear up the conversation wasnt exactly like this, it
was more telepathic and without so much coloquialism, but you get the
point)
At this point I asked Lobo for his laptop and feverishly begun to
write everything i’d just heard. But then came the most important of
all questions..
P- But, how does all this help me get laid?
G- When you know the truth, you dont worry about getting laid because
you already have everything, and then, you’ll get laid.
P- awesome, thanks god.
G- anymore questions?
P- not really, i cant think of any, and of those that i can i already
know all the answers.
G- thats right
P- cathcya
G- im always here, you are never alone.
P- Oh, one more thing, what am i supposed to do?
G- You just do what you think is right, and let me take care of the rest.
End of interview with God.
OK, the story goes on.
..i tried to focus is when i started losing it, so i realize,
first you focus, then you let go. Its like how couples work
and become sour, they first focus on hooking up, then they let go and
enjoy it, but after a while they focus on NOT LETTING GO, and thats
when they both get resentful, because they have to make an effort, and
making an effort sucks.
Im hungry, I get some bread, I have a Jar of Cajeta (delicious mexican caramel)
with me, and i start the slow process of pouring Cajeta out of the jar onto the
bread. Cajeta is thich and slow. I wait, and totally savour the
moment, it just feels good to enjoy the fact that you’re going to get
Cajeta, and that you’re focused on that. And then, as the Cajeta
pours. I feel it. I literally feel what the Cajeta feels, I feel what
its like to fall onto the bread, and curl and spread and then how it
feels to break off from the mass inside the jar and turn into little
strings and dangle.. and i just go “Wowwwwww”. And Lobo looks at me
and smiles, and he goes, “There’s the answer to the
universe right there, everything you’ve been looking for, and
delievered in Cajeta form. It doesnt get more perfect does it?”
..and ive just realized that it is all ONE, and when i focus i can feel what everything else feels.
Dont know how much im going to be able to integrate this information
into a practical sense. and dontworry, im not becoming some chrisitan
zaelot fundamentalist.
I think Jesus is just a bit player, he’s just a symbol for what is
real. Like an easy to reach reference to help us out. Also, when i was
talking to Jesus on the beach, for some reason, i felt like i was more
interesting, like god loves jesus cuz jesus loves god, but he loves us
because we’re so cute and weird and innocent. and we think we’re wrong
when we’re right and its funny. I.E we came here to forget, and now
we’re trying to remember what we forgot, but we came here to forget,
and thats what there is to remember, and its funny.
Oh, i think i also got told that im given this information because its
my job to write it down and get it out there, other peoples job it to
live the information, others is to not be aware of it at all etc etc.
Its a perfect chaos and we all play our part.
I think also, i got told that i was prone to egotism, distraction and
debauchery, and thats why im small and dont get too many chicks,
because if i was big i would be egotistical, and if i could get any
chick i would become distracted from my real purpose, and because i
really wanted to do this and get it right, i had to put all these
‘buffers’ in my life to stop me from becoming too distracted.
However my proneness for these things also keeps me very human and
helps me understand the world around me.
I then went to bed. The time was 12:21.
I am Pablo and this is my story.
P.S – I have to mention again, that Jesus was a real dude, on the
beach, i didnt make him up. But what is most important is that
everyone is Jesus, the more average, humble and simple, the more Jesus
they represent. Cajeta is Jesus, the Grass is Jesus. Jesus is a
physical connection to God Mind, which we can connect to directly
anyway, but the point is not to connect directly to god, thats like
going back to the womb, its like saying the universe is too hard. The
game is to find god in everything. and everything that allows us to
find god in it, is Jesus. And since everything is god, everything is
Jesus, i.e, everything physical is a stepping stone towards god.
ahh, i needed to get that out.
a couple of things to make clear:
The two joints the guy from texas gave me, of which i only smoked one-
were a key. I planned to go to the coast with texas guy and new york
girl, but they left me and it didnt work out how i wanted it to. But i
got a ride from other dudes because i had a joint! So it worked out,
texas guy gave me the key (joint) and my ride was the door. But i had
to give up what i thought ’should’ would work out.
Also, i wrote that i met a dude called Abel and that there was a sad
bit. but i didnt say why it was sad. Ok so i went to a party with him,
we didnt talk too much, he took off that night, the next day at around
9 p.m. he came to the casa rasta, we were watching a movie, from there
we all went to get some tacos and he came along, while we went to the
tacos he was really quiet and looking for someone to talk to, but i
was on my own trip thinking about all this shit, and not talking to
him and also being worried that i should be talking to him etc.
and then he took a turn and was gone. I realized that everything is a
constant test, at that point Abel was like Jesus, and just like
everyone and everything is, or fuckit, lets skip jesus, this cunt was
god yeah, and i was all worried, didnt talk to the cunt, and he left.
Which sucks cuz he lives in a place that im going to be travelling to
soon, and he’s a tour guide and i could’ve hooked up some free
accommodation. but because i was too busy thinking what i could get
out of him, and also worrying about what to say and doing everything
other than focusing, being here and now, and talking to him, so he
dissappeared. Stupid i am.
So yeah, I think its a simple lesson to learn but its hard to master..
like all good puzzles.
The end.
